Ystäväni parisuhde tai avioliitto on ajautumassa sivuraiteille ja he eivät tätä ole valttämättä huomaanassa, teenkö oikein tässä kun yritän tuoda omia näkemyksiä esille? En ole uskaltanut jakaa tätä heille kun pelkään että tällä olisi negatiivisia vaikutuksia minun suhteeseen heihin, varsinkin kun läheisin heistä edustaa vastakkaista sukupuolta.
"Hi Y, we need to talk.
I’ve drained my thoughts about you and especially you, Y, I am an INFJ-T person, so I can put myself in your roles and copy your feelings, also we care about others more than our self
The loneliest people are the kindest . The saddest people smile the brightest . The most damaged people are the wisest . All because they don’t wish to see anyone else suffer the way they did.
I see problems with you that can be resolved when they are brought up in time enough.
Okay, let’s started🙂
One thing remained to be considered.
Again, when you talk to me you seem to be very tense and nervous, If you compare how you talk to X, you are completely different person. so based on that you are not “Im Ok” as you usually answer most often a day or two after sending the original message. I see that there is something wrong.
I see that you delegate lots of things to X also, for example that when I ask you to help and X clearly had other things to do at the time, yet you asked him to do what I had asked you to do which you could very well have done yourself🤷♂️
It feels like you’re holding X under a slipper and after all, you’ve changed yourself to please X and you have bound yourself around him, that is, you are losing your own identity which is big red flag, it just says X didn’t accept you the way you were originally as you wanted, so you start to change yourself to keep him more happy, but is it just an illusion you have created yourself? And now you just hurt yourself in the long run.
You hang out with each other all the time and share just about everything even phone which is personal item. I see X is still in that crush and honey moon phase,
What did he originally fall in love with?
the original unique you!
Now he does not separate the change you are making from his emotions, also you judge X for every little “mistake” if he doesn’t do what you want, he doesn’t seem to care about it now because he working through his emotions.
but what then when he gets over these emotions and the feelings subside as it should with time,
He will get bored of you because he sees his mirror image in you. and start arguing more aggressively which you are not used to, this can cause disagreement, quarrel, and fights, lots of unhappiness or … even divorce😞.
Where is your personal space, personal life, personal hobbies or personal interests or passion? Right. nowhere because you’ve buried them because you’re unsure whether X would like them or not, you also seem to have trust issues.
X can trust you but can you trust him and yourself?
And I see that these things eats you inside when you can’t be yourself.
You said you were bored with your job and in a bad mood, you also feel like you have more sick leave than before but is the reason really your job or is it after all your unhappiness of your marriage and the pursuit of its perfection which you can never reach🤔?
you need to be able to be more open and your own unique self, because that’s what makes you lovable for us around you. otherwise the people around you will disappear even X, and the next time you need them, they will no longer be there.
Nothing and no one is perfect. It just take a good eye to find those imperfections.
You were born to be real, not to be perfect.
You are here to be you. Always be a first-rate version of yourself instead of second-rate version of somebody else. Practice brings excellence, not perfection. Dont try and perfect yourself for one person. Wait for the one who loves your imperfections.
I don’t want to raise this issue but because I care about you as a friend should, so I have to, I see too many signs that your marriage will end sooner than you can expect. I can also be completely wrong because im not seeing all details of your relationship and I hope I am😔.
Remember I don’t blame you or X for anything!
I try to bring up the problem points I see that you may not see that could cause problems in the future.
I only care about your best.
Only you know how things are and if there’s something wrong, don’t try to hide them, bring them up and solve them together💪, marriage is not forever happiness, it contains also unhappiness disagreements and disappointments.
You are a strong woman, don’t let distorted thoughts change you who you truly are
thank you "